"The Lord is my stength and my shield, my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song." Psalm 29:7
The past 8 weeks have been some of the most challenging 8 weeks of my life. Realizing that the lovely disease process of Crohn's is progressing has taken a toll on me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Lord, why right now in the middle of nursing school? God, I don't have the energy for this right now. Can't you just heal me? Can't you just take this disease away? The colonooscopys are draining, the medicines are many, the pain is great, and lately I have let it get the best of me. Why? Because it is so easy to just give into everything and feel down and sad and upset. But where does that honor and glorify my God? Where does that show the blessings He graciously blesses me with every second of my days? Where does that show His power and strength? My attitude lately has not demonstrated good things for my Lord, but has been a selfish and self-centered attitude.
After a weary and long week, I went to a wonderful worship service at church last night. There the Lord spoke to me in such an intimate way. This body that I am living in is not mine! It has never been mine. It belongs FULLY to the Lord! It is HIS body that HE created! And becasue of that, it is supposed to bring honor and glory to Him all the days that it is alive! What a beautiful thing to think about! If this body is to bring honor and glory to my Lord through Crohn's disease, then bring it on! Crohn's has nothing on my God! Crohn's disease is going to bring a beautiful song of worship to the Lord. God's hand has been on my colon from day 1 of the diagnosis and just becasue the waters get really rocky, does not mean that His hand has left me. It just means He is going to get honored and glorified through this even more :) When I accepted Christ into my life 14 years ago, I said YES to honoring His name and making it known all the days of my life. Not just on the good days. Not just in the easy times. But every day of my life!
So, I am done feeling down about the progression of this disease. I am done feeling angry, sad, hurt, and upset. This body is not mine, it is His. And He deserves the most beautiful songs of honor and praise! And that is just what this body is going to give Him :) I am not going to worry about all the docotors appointments this week or the new treatment plans we might begin, but instead I am going to put my focus on how I can bring honor and praise to His name every second of my days! God is good and He deserves the best of me. He fills me with His joy and peace that cannot be explained.